Shit List

The Shit List

(I know its nasty, but its one of the best jokes I've seen)

   * Ghost Shit: The kind that you feel shit come out, but there's no shit
     in the toilet.
   * Clean Shit: The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but
     there is nothing on the toilet paper.
   * Wet Shit: The kind where you wipe your ass 50 times, and it still feels
     unwiped. So you have to put some toilet paper between your ass and your
     underwear so you don't completely ruin them with the stains.
   * Second-Wave Shit: This happens when you're done shitting and you've
     already pulled your pants up to you knees, and then you realize that
     you have to shit some more.
   * Pop-a-Vein-in-Your-Head Shit: The kind where you strain yourself so
     much to get it out, that you practically have a stroke.
   * Island Shit (aka The Double Flusher): This is a shit of such epic
     proportions that it rises above the water line and creates a mountain
     of dry land. A special touch is the addition of a toilet paper palm
     tree.
   * Gassy Shit: This one is so noisy, that everyone within earshot is
     giggling.
   * Drinking Shit (aka Beer Shits): The kind of shit you have after a long
     night of drinking. The most noticeable traits are the skid marks left
     on the bottom of the bowl and the fouler than usual smell. Although
     science has catagorized these types of shits as one, different types of
     alcohol do produce their own color, fragrance, and texture.
   * Corn Shit: Self explanatory.
   * Gee, I wish I Could Shit, Shit: The kind where you want to shit, but
     all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
   * Spinal Tap Shit: This one hurts so badly coming out that you'd swear
     that it was leaving your ass sideways.
   * Wet Cheeks Shit (aka The Power Dump): The kind of shit that comes out
     of your ass so fast that you butt cheeks get splashed with water.
   * Exorcist Shit: This is when a yellow-green liquid shoots out of your
     ass and you think that your anus is possesed by the devil.
   * Upper-Class Shit: This is the type of shit that doesn't smell.
   * Exhibition Shit: This mound of shit is so monsterous that it is
     difficult to believe that it was produced by a human. It is left behind
     by the creator (Rubble??) for all to see and admire, in the same
     respect as going to a freak show at a carnival. Often, the toilet paper
     is not left in the bowl, as not to obstruct the view.
   * Mushroom Cloud Shit: This shit is at first in solid form, but as soon
     as the toilet is flushed, it seems to explodes into the water.
   * Dangling Shit: This shit refuses to drop into the toilet, even though
     you are done shitting. Your only hope is to shake your ass a few times
     to cut it loose.
   * Peek-a-Boo Shit: You're not even at the toilet because you think you
     only have to fart, but guess what...?

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December 1996